It’s what life often feels like.
I wake up not knowing what time of day it is aside from the Dark Hour itself for most work days.
No phone calls, texts or conversations on a regular basis from friends or family. Maybe a meme, video or fragmented messages but nothing more.
More often than not, if I’m not proactive in reaching out, the sound of silence is equivalent to a deafening roar.
Is this what living in death is truly like? To know that you’re alive but to never heard or be touched by anyone as though you were six feet in the ground?
Has the overwhelming burden of duty and responsibility become so heavy that, despite expansive means of connection, I am as though cut off from the land of the living by those I love?
Is it until I’m to be an “In Memoriam” or a message about loss or unforeseen tragedy that I will even be acknowledged as a being of any consequence?
Or will it be as I’ve seen with many — many tears wept but once I’m six feet under or reduced to ash, the world will move on as though I never existed?
There will be no butterflies symbolizing my presence. No ravens or crows as my voice, a direwolf for me to roam free in the great northern lands nor an army of undead to haunt those who thought little of me.
I will be just a muted name in the wind. Is that what will become or me long after I’m gone? Someone that is just a mere amusement but once my story’s over, just a mere comma in the grand scheme of things?
While I am awake, even on a day or night of no duty, it’s worse than radio silence. You delete those that have agendas when approaching me, it’s a barren wasteland.
This must be what living in death is. To be alive to none, dead to all yet sentient of the situation.
Is this the metaphor we found with the Death-Prince? To be spiritually be cut off from all life yet physically living among others?
Then let it be that. Just black dust in the wind. Air people neglect yet ever present. Darkness ever-present yet ignored. A sentence longed to be read and yet cut off before reaching halfway. A voice muted before it can speak up.
