You ever found yourself winning in something but the victory feels downright hollow? Yes, that’s how it’s been feeling lately. A lot of personal changes, some of which I cannot disclose, have recently occurred and while they are changes that bring opportunity to better perspective, as well as to personally develop, it doesn’t stop me from feeling out of sorts.
In light of accomplishing the feat of reaching my one rep maxes in the gym in areas that I had gotten rusty in throughout the past year, it’s not enough. Age is also beginning to rear its ugly head and with changes in my work life, this also means readjusting my eating habits — from what I eat to when I eat and as a result, in order to bring balance and proper development, I have to push harder than I ever have and it is aggravating.
I’ve also lately hit a creative roadblock and boy is it rare when that happens. I have tried watching new shows, different movies and even listening to music, both new as well as what inspired me to begin with and I just feel completely hollow. There are days when, despite my artistic and creative tendencies, as well as my love for my daughter, I feel like just hiding under the planet itself. Despite my innate desire to shine light into my life, I’ve been reaching a point where living and burrowing in darkness feels so much better — and it’s the worst thing for me.
When the very vibes you embrace feel like they’ve abandoned you and the very things you pushed against is enveloping itself inside you, it’s like a pool of black blood that is gripping you tight and inducing asthma to your soul. You get irritable for no darn reason and everyone that is close to you — if feels like total pleasure to push them as far from your head as possible and yet it is the most morbid thing I have ever emotionally felt. You might as well let the scythe of the grim reaper just cut my head off.
This is why fitness has become my ultimate anti-depression medication. I’m no gym rat in the strictest sense but it’s the first line of defense when it comes to expelling those demons form the very confines of my brain.
