This has been quite the year. Between starting a monthly writing project, to finally being up to speed with transposing FireFrei onto my computer, enjoying the freeAffinity desktop app, and having updated my phone & laptop, there’s a lot to be grateful for.
This isn’t to say this year didn’t have its challenges — there were many and the majority of them were financial setbacks and learning hurdles, yet here we are.
Putting Elden Ring and Demon’s Souls behind me felt somewhat liberating. My journey in Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 tore open old wounds and scars — forcing me to reflect, remember, and rethink old family and mental health issues.
I didn’t finish or complete some goals in 2025 but that’s okay — 2026 is incoming. Or may be a new year but no new goals. I have zero intention of making new goals until I’ve fulfilled the ones I haven’t finished.
If you feel pressured with new year resolutions when you didn’t finish this year’s, it’s okay — use this new year to continue what you haven’t finished and push forward.
Last weekend was an important one. I celebrated 40 years of my life on this earth. I didn’t fly to the land of my parents in Puerto Rico. I didn’t fly to my birthplace of Brooklyn, New York. Instead, I flew to Washington, D.C. for a change of scenery (and spent time with my girlfriend as well). It was cathartic. It also induced many moments of reflection as I flew back down to Tampa, Florida. I enjoyed soaking in the energy and vibes of the Native American Museum. If not for needing to experience other things and sights, I would’ve been lost inside that museum. Perhaps it was the Taino blood that ripples in my bloodstream but I felt connected. I got to enjoy all the Cherry Blossom trees in the capital. It was fitting. I had recently finished my playthrough series of Persona 3 Reload. The game has a starting and ending setting that involve Spring and said trees. I got to also enjoy the African American and Asian American museums, as well as viewing Capital Hill. It had been my first time since I was 12 years old. That alone gave me some sense of nostalgia. The weather was also very fitting as it was my ideal weather discussed in a previous blog entry. Last stop of notable places were the Botanical Gardens and the Air and Space Museum. I had never been to the former. The latter was greater in scale than I had recalled back in January 2011 when I visited it last.
As I traveled back home, I arrived at full circle to reflect on my life journey. It made me also ponder where my parents were at my age and where I’m at now. More importantly, I thought about their health compared to mine. I’ve succeeded them in some ways, but I also considered how much I have left to go. I’m grateful every day that I have a healthy heart rate, no sugar issues, no mobility issues of concern. At 40 years of age, I feel at least 32. If anything makes me realize that I’m 40, it’s how my life experiences changed my view of love. They also changed how I perceive parenthood, heartbreak, loss, and the struggles of life.
Leaving my parents’ nest changed me. The weight of fatherhood, heartbreaks, marriage, and divorce is significant. Being a pet parent also affects me. All of these things have changed how I view the world. They influence how I view life as it moves behind, inside, outside, and ahead of me. I’ve had women I loved come and go. I’ve seen dear friends, classmates and family members wither and die (either suddenly or through the abyss of time itself). I have watched my daughter be born and begin to grow. I’ve come to understand what loving a pet is like compared to human life.
Even with my current knowledge to alter my past… I regret nothing out of my life — mistakes and all. If a New Game Plus version of my life were to emerge, I hope that I keep all the lessons. I want to apply this learning in the future. Like Moira MacTaggart, I want to use this knowledge to make the next life more successful.
2024 was a year that had me readdress some painful feelings. It also became a year of learning curves. It was also a year where I enjoyed things in midst of some tricky moments. I also got to see what my current city under the battering of a hurricane would look like.
I made my first check from the first 3 months of Firebutt’s paperback debut. It may have been a small one but to see a check from my writing pursuits shows that there’s some interest.
Today is the march to hitting 40 years of age. If I were to be honest, I often look at where I’m at versus where my dad was at this age to understand where I’m better situated, where I could’ve done better but also perspective on where to go next in my life. I’m grateful in knowing that the physical aches and pains of the 30s never hit me at all.
I’m grateful for the life choices I made in my 20s because it rings true when they say that what you do in your 20s will come for you in your 30s. Some folks my age can’t say the same. Some of them developed illness from poor lifestyle choices (binge drinking, heavy smoking, street drugs, terrible dietary choices, gambling to name some). Some developed diseases unforeseen and others died.
Even with the things and people I still have, I don’t take it for granted — because you can lose it all tomorrow or even right now. Life is fickle in this way but an experience all the same.
I still have to finish streaming Persona 3 Reload/Episode Aigis and then I’ll likely take a break from game streaming. FireFrei requires my attention and I want to give it my all.
