Not everyone is into gaming. It’s okay — everyone has something they prefer. Not everyone is available to pull up and hang out in the chat when you’re going live; we live in a post-pandemic world where everyone’s lives are being driven close to the ground. Folks that used to just work one job and had at least 30-60mons of time to hang with you online are now either working 2 jobs or delivering/taxi driving all day long. The economy hasn’t been the same and this is something that needs to be kept in perspective.
In almost a month of stepping away from streaming games, the following happened — I began reading more books, finishing unfinished books I was reading. Gaming on my downtime became more relaxing. Most importantly, I started diving back into the talents I enjoy working on — playing guitar, drawing, writing.
I think what truly hit that point to where I started returning to being more of myself again was when I beat Clair Obscur: Expedition 33. The message I got from the conflict regarding Aline and Alicia’s unhealthy (and delusional) way of engaging grief at the risk of dying really got to me. Renoir’s reason for gradually wrecking things in Verso’s canvas was rooted in the dark reality that was happening — seeing his wife looking like a living corpse slowly dying physically the longer she was in that world. He also saw the danger Alicia would be dancing with of wanting to just stay in there living as Maelle. He had also said that Aline had saved him from a very similar predicament. He believed in what his wife taught him and rough as it was, it was his way of doing for his wife and daughter what his wife once did for him. For that reason, I ultimately sided with Painted Verso’s ending. Yes, it meant saying goodbye to such a beautiful world but as he said to Alicia — she has an amazing potential to paint. All of Verso’s canvas, everyone that she loved in there live on in her heart. With her newfound potential unlocked, she can paint them all back in a brand new one and let them live on in there.
I plugged into streaming as a means of grieving a broken relationship that hasn’t been in almost 6 years. After almost 3 years of therapy in that time, having a stable job where things are gradually moving forward and watching my daughter grow, it became clear that it was time to slowly drop streaming.
There are still games whose stories I want to share and do commentary and analysis but for now, I have my own stories to write and share. I have music I want to write and share.
I also understand that I work nights while others work afternoons or mornings. I only have one kid while others have multiple or none at all. These are parts of life overall that I understand well enough to understand that, especially in a world where TikTok brain is a thing, I need to march forward. I’d rather FaceTime with friends but when social life outside of work and parental responsibilities is tough, the livestreams have always been that method of eventually talking to people and potentially making friends along the way.
Lastly, let me address something that’s been eating at me when it comes to social media and trends. Not everyone requires an immediate response. Some folks have treated this vast means of social connection as some form of entitlement. Not every post requires beef and smoke. We also don’t need to trend ride or fall into it. The term “Fear Of Missing Out” is a thing that I always found annoying pre-social media and now. There’s always this constant push of “you must see this now” or”you must avoid before it’s too late” and for what? It’s also likely why there were many shows, films and books that I didn’t touch until the hype dropped dead either by a few months or even an entire decade. It’s even worse in the gaming industry as there’s always something coming out every month and for me, it’s gotten to where I missed when game releases were far more spread out — especially in this economy.
In closing, I did want to point out how I missed when people simply saw each other for who they are and engaged (or didn’t) instead of every person you met as someone to potentially date, copulate, sales pitch or as some project. I miss when humans simply engaged each other as humans, not as products or a potential sales number. I saw this as a teenager, as a young adult and especially now as a parent. I get it, we all got a hustle because heaven forbid capitalism stops doing what it’s done but at times, it’s just obnoxious.