Ron322

We’re knee deep into summer and indeed it’s been felt. The last few years in Tampa, we usually had our heat advisories during a good chunk of May to June but this year, it’s felt as though most of it was late June up until last week. Humidity was as disrespectful as you can get — but at least the rainstorms arrived to bring comfort. It also seems like this weekend up until next week will have lower temperatures and more rain; I welcome all of it.

Within this past week, I manage to make solid progress with FireFrei, as the conclusion of writing chapter 7 is at hand. It now comes down to the finish of that chapter in order to write its chapter 8 for the aftermath conclusion. I felt stuck for a moment there with the massive fight scene and had weighed the outcome. I wasn’t sure if I wanted the finish to end in a triumphant victory, abrupt defeat, a sacrificial conclusion or a tie. A part of me wants to give it a tragic victory of a conclusion but it all comes down to what I want for Emmanuel Lucifer, his friends from FireButt, as well as for one other important character I introduce into the story.

That’s the precious thing that I find when I’m writing mode — these stories and characters aren’t just mere creations; they are, in part, an extension of my internal battles with the meaning of life, what it means to be human, what value friendships and family bring into one’s existence.

When choosing to reveal more of a character’s power, it’s extending something within yourself that you want to breathe into that page’s landscape. You never want to do it just for the sake of it but rather give it meaning. It’s for this reason that, while FireButt gave a sense of humor, action and some sense of whimsy, FireFrei makes a gradual, more mature tone. The fun is over and now everyone has to get it together. They may not be on the run from the law but now their immediate world is experiencing a sense of chaos they likely haven’t seen; whatever fun in reuniting they have, it must now be protected from these forces they’ve never confronted.

Emmanuel Lucifer, at first, is a silly man when you met him in the 1st novel. Full of video game, anime, comic book and band references, you’d initially deem him as some sort of man-child but to assume that is truly surface level as you see him confront various things along the way — from a small incident of police brutality, learning that he’s divorced, has a kid, is a studio engineer/producer by trade with gym workouts on occasion to late night gigging as a DJ for a metal band. You learn that his bandmates are more than just references to anime characters, pro wrestlers and music references — they’re his friends and family. They are what keep him serious and focused in the concrete jungle of NYC, set in a time setting that, if you must now, hasn’t been our own for some years now.

Do I think I may also use the final chapter as a sort of time jump? It is possible. I don’t want it to be drastic but rather reasonable enough to where it can be familiar yet strange all at once. A part of me wants to give Emmanuel a bittersweet ending in this volume — because Chapter 7 isn’t just a chapter with an intense battle with high stakes — it’s one where you see him sit down with his friends, catch up, talk, bond and go beyond everything else that happened prior. There’s a sense of repose and refuge, even when it feels like the calm before the storm; the silence followed by a deafening roar once again.

I’ve also taken the executive decision to scale back on livestreaming for now. It took some personal thinking in order to do so. It was a fun way to unplug from work and responsibilities during the height of the COVID Pandemic but alas, life moves on. Time marches on and as one returns to working responsibly and being a parent, balance is required. Years of therapy also helped me confront these very uneasy feelings of unresolved heartbreak, disappointment and frustration in order to move forward. In the process, it’s helped me realize that now I can be free to take time to write, draw and produce music again.

These are very important parts of who I am that have gone neglected for over 5 years. I’ll even go as far to say that if the people that know me now had known me 6-10 years ago, they’d have trouble recognizing me. They only knew the guy that livestreams video games with commentary & analysis but would be perplexed that there’s more to me than that. It’s also been hard to articulate this to folks at times because once people get adjusted to whom they’ve known the last 2-3 years, they think that’s all there is until something drastic happens. I guess that’s part of adulthood that no one taught me — how to negotiate for yourself. I’ve never been the negotiating type. I usually show up and do me and never for a second thought I had to negotiate myself as though I were a hostage that needed to be released or some product to be sold.